Always a Bridesmaid

It's been a long time gone now, hasn't it? I'm hoping that this will be just another dry spell, rather than a symptom of my time being used elsewhere (maybe more details on that later). I suspect it is that I am a mixture of exhausted by the end of my days, super into shows that are finally back from hiatus, and sort of at a loss for words.

Because a lot of them are personal.

And I hate to feel like I'm sort of writing for someone else, whoever that "someone" is. Like, the other day when Jezebel had a posting on those douches out in California who sold cupcakes at "affirmative action" prices, I was like "I'm indignant about this!" but that was it. My next thought was "should I be indignant about this on the blog? And the answer is no, because if that was my only reaction, then that's life.

That was a terrible example. But maybe that's my point?

Anyway, I've been meaning to post THIS one for a long time, so let's DO it. And hopefully I'll be back tomorrow or Thursday. Cause I MISS you guys. And I hate it when we don't chat for a while. So... see you SOON.

I hope.

11 in "11" - Wedding Recap 4 or 5, depends on how you're counting

Who: my best friend Maria, aka my former roommate from Chicago and all around wonderful lady
What: Catholic ceremony at a chapel on (I think?) the campus of Duke University, followed by a reception at the Duke Gardens
Where: Durham, NC (just in case you thought I meant the Duke Gardens in Hillsborough, NJ)
When: September 2011
Why: because Maria is tied for the position of favorite non-family-member in my life. Because she has improved it (my life) infinitely, not only through being my friend and by being the nicest person I know, but because she brings joy EVERYWHERE she goes.
How: was picked up and then shuttled around for the weekend by Caroline and her husband, who were both incredibly kind and patient even while Joey and I drunkenly demanded things from the backseat (such as "PROVE TO ME THAT IT IS ILLEGAL TO DRINK IN THE BACKSEAT IN NORTH CAROLINA! YOU CANNOT!")
Drink(s) of choice: the champagne I wheedled out of the bartender and day-of coordinators. To be far, the first bottle I won was because I beat Joey at the "dollar dance" game (I had Maria, she had the groom). But the rest were wheedled!
Highlight: oh. I don't know. Being with my best friends for three plus days. Learning how to do the Move Your Body dance with the groom's VERY white relatives. Having the VERY white groom kick all of our asses (ok, save Maria's) at the dougie. Maria's crazy family. My crazy Joey. Toasting the bride and groom without once cursing or embarrassing them (Joey didn't get off so easy, whoops). Flirting with the super cute DJ. Getting to know Caroline's husband even more than we knew each other when we lived in the same city (he is awesome, btw). Caroline making me run, because she loves me. Showing up with our own glasses of champagne to brunch on Sunday. Long late night talks with Joey. Seriously. Those. But the utter highlight was when Maria at 3am on her WEDDING NIGHT decided it was time to come visit...
... This requires some explanation. It was a day wedding, so around 5 (or 6, I really don't know) we headed back from the reception to the hotel for a nap (me and everyone else who was sane), sexy time (the bride and groom) and an 8 mile run (my psycho friend Joey). Afterwards we all met up for drinks around 9pm (meaning 10pm in my time) and laughed and recounted and drank and laughed and laughed. Around 1am Caroline/husband/Joey/I decided it was time to call it a night (the hangover was threatening to overcome me) and we headed back, leaving Maria with her parents, her new husband, and a few sundry friends. We get back to the hotel, say goodnight to Caroline/hubby, and chat for a bit - then Joey falls asleep. At this point I start to slowly start to fall under Morpheus' spell myself, except then Maria texts me to tell me that her father has just ordered more shots.

It was 2am.

We text back and forth for the next 45 minutes, when she finally persuades everyone to leave and tells me "I had to drink [her father's] whiskey so we could go". I responded, "sounds like a fair deal" and then nothing. After about 10 minutes I once again began to pass out when there was a sudden - and LOUD - KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! at my door. I knew I was either about to be in for the best or worst surprise of my life, so I approached the door with some trepidation. I peered out the little door hole thing and there, shockingly, was a gorgeous head of hair replete with big ass white flower. I threw open the door and said "ok, now we have to wake up Joey". And we did. And we laughed. And we asked where her husband was, and did he know she was here? And she with wide "innocent" eyes was all "I dunnoooooooooo" (it turns out she had ran off when they got back to the hotel and someone shouted afterwards "runaway bride!" - she gave them the thumbs up. No worries though, the groom was off talking to her brother about how to get into their apartment). Suddenly the door knocks again and this time Joey answers it with "I think this belongs to you?" The groom walked in, Joey joined me and Maria in my bed, and I said "I mean, you're part of the family now. You might as well get in."

AND HE DID!!!!
Lowlight: Leaving. I cried. A lot.
Music grade: I'm giving the DJ a solid A because he was ridiculously hot and wanted my number and all those good things. But to be honest, I don't remember the music at all. I look like I was having fun in the pictures, so I'm going to go ahead and say he was good. But I do. Not. Remember.
Lessons learned:

1. Being sacrilegious during a Catholic ceremony (ie, daring the Mormonish Joey to take communion under the watchful Catholic eyes of Caroline) does NOT get you smited!
2. Priests don't think I'm as funny as I do.
3. I know I've talked about my theory of weddings being a mixture of music, other people, and open bar, but this wedding taught me something else - friends. The type of friends, the number of them, and your ability to have the best effing time with them, evAR? It matters. I love my grad school friends, but these girls are my FAMILY. And it showed.
4. Cool photographers are fun. And stern looking wedding photos look HAWT.
5. When below the Mason Dixon line, wear your hair big and your make-up thick, cause otherwise they are gonna KNOW you're a yankee.

One more wedding guys. This one is gonna be another doozy. And I'm almost sad it'll be my last dance, last chance for looooooooooooooooove. Yes it'll my last chance for romaaaaaaaaaaaance that one day in Octooooooooooooooooober.

09.13.2001

The Daily Show

i CAN'T be the worst... can i?

So.

I had a dentist appointment on Tuesday morning, and it didn't go well. I mean, ok, it didn't go terribly. But I like having no cavities and was very proud to have had none in my adult teeth cause I'm the type of person who is proud of being tall or other things I had not a ton to do with.

Until last year when I got a BIG un.

That sorta sucked, but my dentist was like "oh you're in your late 20s? Yeah that's when tooth decay starts to happen." Well, thanks? I guess? Like the way I thanked my orthodontist when he told me not to take off my bonded retainer because my smile was so nice and if I ever got married wouldn't I like to have that beautiful smile? Jackass.

Still - I like things not being because of me.

And yet this year I worked harder than I had in years past to make sure my gleaming whites (fine, off whites) stayed that way. No I didn't floss. That shit hurts. But I did brush a great deal, for the recommended 2 minutes, and sometimes I even gargled and crap like that.

Yeah it didn't work.

Two more cavities (teensy ones, but STILL) and a package of floss later, I was appropriately humbled. The dentist was like "wow. Your gums are SWOLLEN!" When she left I asked the dental assistant if they were terrible and she was like "no, I've seen worse, but you know, gum problems lead to teeth loss."

Merci. Bitches.

But still I was comforted cause she had seen WORSE. That is music to my ears (don't worry, I definitely take care of those babies). I HATE being the worst at things. I mean, obviously I prefer to win at all times, but if I can't win I certainly don't want to LOSE. Unlike Monica in Friends who is happy to give the best bad massages, I prefer "middle of the pack" than "absolutely best at being worst" in things like dental hygiene. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE being unique/center of attention/spotlighted in most places in life. But at the dentist's, as well as gynecologists' and podiatrists' offices, waxing appointments, whilst getting pedicures, I'm content to be just OK.

Do you see the theme

I have (relative to previous times in my life) highish self esteem. I'm pretty smart. Since I've been running, my body looks much less squishy that it has in the past. And that dude on my bus is right - I like my aaaaaaaaaaaaass in my jeans. But going to doctors' offices, or beauty places (dentist is kind of both, amiright?!), especially where there is a potential "ick" factor, the massively insecure person takes over and is like "holyshitholyshit Dr. FillintheBlank and InsertRussianNameHere are judging the SHIT out of me! I will never be able to come back here again! It took me a good five minute on Yelp/Google/Twitter to find this person and now I'm going to have to do it AGAIN!" It takes some serious "cannot possibly be the worst they've ever seen" to calm me down. So much so that I've looked up fungal infections on toes (ew), ingrown hairs on.. other places (ew ew) and weird conditions for feet, bajingos and yes, teeth, just to convince myself of my mediocrity.

Vom vom EW vom.

But it works every time. I have been going to the same dentist since moving here, the same gyno since I got off my terrible grad school insurance and the same pedicurist and wax... lady? since I found their cheap, efficient, lasting services. Even the second time I went to said amazing waxer, and I heard her ask the girl after me "are you hairy today? Everyone's been hairy!" it comforted me to know that while that while yes, it had been 2 months since my last appointment (I KNOW IT HURTS LESS IF YOU DO IT EVERY MONTH leave me alone) that "everyone" was right there with me.

I'm memorable (either way) in most things. But in "icky" situs - I'm glad to be anonymous.