Monday, February 21, 2011

Naive Idealism FTW

So.

It's been an interesting new year, hasn't it? Only February 21, and we've had a domestic terrorism incident that created calls for change in national discourse that weren't ignored for at LEAST a few days; the Middle East, that hotbed of civilization and incivility (you know, to put it lightly) has been rocked and roiled by protestors calling for democracy; Madison, that hotbed of, well, collegiate liberalism and badgery football (and awesome Halloween parties) has been overrun by people who strangely do NOT want their government to trample on the labor rights of teachers, police, firemen, and other people we rely on to stay healthy, wealthy, and fundamentally American; and SPEAKING of America, it might shut down next week because Republicans in Congress want to starve healthcare needed by millions of our compatriots, destroy one of the best resources for young and indigent women in the country, obliterate PBS (NO BIG BIRD DON'T GO) and take jobs created by the stimulus package to prove a point (or appease the Tea Party).

Am I wrong, or does this ROCK?!?!?!?!?

I'm going to preface the rest of this post by saying in 2004 I was positive John Kerry was going to win. It didn't help that I was working on the Obama Senate campaign at the time, and the months from March until October were truly a series of peons to naive idealism. Time after time, a non-machine, intellectual, not/Daley/approved young man who wasn't black enough for Chicago or white enough for southern Illinois somehow beat the odds (with the help of not a few opponents bruised by scandals) again and again to become Senator from that great state.

And now dudes - he's POTUS.

But the thing is, I translated those wins into a national rejection of President Bush. Clearly, I was wrong. Bush won, and my carefully constructed narrative of people-in-this-country-agreeing-with-me was crushed. I went on a two week not-eating, not-sleeping, mostly-vomiting-and/or-crying phase that to this day sort of shocks me.

But it didn't stop me from "knowing" Obama would win in 2008.

My point in this is, I am a naive idealist, and I know it. Every time my mother and I talk politics, she is very downhearted (other than the three months between November 2008 and January 2009) and I sit there and say - "no! No! It's all gonna work out GREAT in the end! And let me tell you why." In fact, I have that conversation with loads of people, from strangers on the street to my friends and family to my blogging amigos via twitter.

I may in fact be wrong.

But - caveat emptor - I think this is just the best shit ever. Democracy - DEMOCRACY - is raging through the Middle East far faster than any of the plagues visited upon Egypt so many religious stories ago. Most recently, Colonel Qaddafi - QADDAFI - seems to be a target. Dude's a fucking dinosaur, like Silvio Berlusconi but without the bunga bunga, the greasy hair or the unsubtle racism.

Oh, and with a murderous regime.

And Bahrain! Bahrain, Saudi Arabia's insulation! People are mad as hell, and they aren't going to take it anymore. How COOL is this! People in some of the more oppressive nations in the WORLD (certainly not most. Calling China? Are you there China? Iran, party of two? You and your bud arch-nemesis Saudi?) are riiiiiiiising UP.

Sigh o'happiness. Power to the PEOPLE.

Also, the Republicans seem to have forgotten the 1990s (a big mistake, as it was the best decade EVAR) and have decided to put social issues - not exactly relevant in this day and age - front and center in the midst of a still-stagnant economy that is jonesing for some jobs.

Also - repetitive FTW.

I mean, don't get me wrong. Attacking Planned Parenthood and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting is sure to shore up the base, whether that means religious conservatives or the Tea Party. But memo to Boehner (hehe. Boner!): you weren't losing them anyway. I mean, wait. I'm a liberal. You ARE. You're losing them by the SECOND. You know what you should do? Go talk about marriage equality and use some veiled racism to attack immigrants.

Pretty please?

As for the other things - Madison and Tucson - I must say I am less idealistic about the way these things will turn out. Sure, I think it's awesome that Midwest Americans are rising up Mid East style (I just really like that ubiquitous comparison, sue me), and I'm really happy to hear that Representative Giffords sings along to songs, which sounds like it's one of the more promising signs yet that she's going to be as OK as possible at the end of all this.

However.

I still think Wisconsin will pass this anti-populist bill, and I don't think discourse in the US is going to be much better anytime soon, especially with the 2012 elections fast approaching. I think Chris Christie is going to be lauded for screwing over teachers in NJ, and I am afraid that other states will follow his and Ryan's approach. I worry that Rep. Giffords will never be the same - I mean she suffered a freaking bullet to the brain - and that's really alarming. We are supposed to be a democracy, which means you defeat the candidates you don't agree with, not shoot them.

That means sometimes you lose - ehem, November 2004.

But I still remember a day way back in college, albeit before Bush won re-election, that I was with High School Ex, driving back to Madison (where they went to school) from a concert. It was April 2003, and we were in the thick of the first part of the Iraq War, and his friends were 100% on board, while I clearly was not. We got into it, first with them telling me I didn't understand 9/11 (note to others: that never, ever works) and then telling me we were bringing democracy to the Iraqi people. And I remember shouting - you cannot BRING democracy to people, they have to WANT it and FIGHT for it themselves!

For that's how change happens. The labor movement began because workers were sick of terrible conditions, horrendous hours, and tortuous tasks (not to mention the omnipresent threat of death). It wasn't because some governor somewhere decided to give them collective bargaining. And despite threats today, it will not end because some governor will take it away. Egyptians wanted their country back - they took it. Women's rights groups were formed not because of some elitist conspiracy to up the number of abortions, but because women were sick of being held under the thumb of men for the majority of the human race. In the history of the modern world, whether it be 1776, 1861, 1916, the 1960s or 2011, or any other of the many years so many brave souls fought - with naive idealism! - for rights and justice and all that's good, in the end, progress has always won. CHANGE has always won. So it has been, so it will be, and I for one, am more optimistic about our collective future than ever before.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Jackie Speier is my hero (people who rock, people who suck)

Here's why:

And no, it's not because she said vagina on the House floor.

Although that's pretty cool too.

People who Rock:
  1. Representative Jackie Speier, Democrat, (CA-12). Not only was she able to speak clearly, resolutely, and from the heart without choking up (and thus you know, using some of her 5 minutes, not because I would have judged her), about an issue too many people can't even think about without becoming infuriated, she also was able to cite Halliburton statistics from memory. This chick is awesome. Is she hiring? I don't like my job...
  2. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi for posting that video
  3. Representative Gwen Moore, Democrat (WI-4), for counteracting other false facts about abortion providers being bandied about on the House floor
  4. The people who clapped for her brave remarks
  5. Also, little Miia Maria for this. Unrelated but fantastic!
People who Suck:
  1. Chris Smith (R-NJ). I am (and have long been) ashamed you are from my state. I wish my parents lived near you so I could move home and run for office against you. Better yet - is your opponent in 2012 hiring? See: end of #1, above
  2. Paul Broun (R-GA). See #3, above. Shouldn't it be illegal to lie to the American people from Congress? Methinks YES
  3. Steve King (R-IA). You might be king in name, but are you court jester in mental capacity
  4. While we're at it, Phil Jensen, Republican state representative from South Dakota, who "accidentally" introduced a bill that, in its essence, would have allowed murderers of abortion providers to claim "justifiable homicide". You know. Like if a woman is being raped and she is able to get her hand on a knife and kill the fucker. Oh wait - in some states that might not be justifiable. But killing a doctor who performs abortions, sure, that's OK, at least in South Dakota
  5. Chris Christie. Either until he fucking stops hating on cops and teachers (the very people who you know, MAKE SOCIETY RUN IN A CIVIL WAY), he is number five on the people who suck list. Because he sucks, times five

Monday, February 14, 2011

Being my own Valentine: best idea ever?

So.

All of my IRL DC friends are in committed relationships. Seriously. All of them. Chelsea is married, Becky is engaged, DC Laura has been dating her bf for two years. Ramona has been dating HER bf for like, a billion years, Leah is en route to engagement, and Julie has been married since 2005. Even most of my slightly less than best friends are tied up in relationships of varying lengths and levels of seriousness.

I am not. Well, not quite.

Whatever sort of "relationship" I am in, it's certainly not serious nor long-term. And even when it was a Relationship, Grad School Ex and I agreed that VDay was a made up holiday, not really worthy of the money spent or harried reservations made or gifts bought so soon after Christmas that they often are devoid of super-thoughtfulness.

That was a weird sentence. I'm sticking with it though.

My point is - I'm not celebrating VDay this year as a member of a couple, and even when I was officially a member of a couple, I still thought the holiday was a little too gimmicky for me. I do appreciate having designated a day to tell people that you love them, especially for those emotionally unavailable men people who don't do it organically.

Quickly - I love you guys!!

But perhaps this year I am a little more cynical of the holiday in general, if only incidentally. For example, last week Ramona sent out an email to a few of our girlfriends checking for availabilities this week to plan a HH. I responded "ugh - only free on Monday night, but SUPER free then!" When I was informed that this was Valentine's Day, I laughed and then emailed GSE to be like "dude - all our friends are busy on Monday. Interested in doing something? Not dinner. Not romantic. Maybs trivia or something outside cause it's gonna be warm."

He is probably going to play basketball.

And so, even though I have no qualms about spending nights with myself (that sounded dirtier than intended, though sure! I'm OK with that meaning as well) I'm making tonight special. Meaning, I am cleaning my apartment today and actually planning what to eat for supper, rather than "hmmm... do I have any soup left? No? Popcorn it is!" Additionally, I went ahead and bought myself flowers at Safeway, even though that has more to do with the fact that it is Monday, and that is the day I buy myself flowers at Safeway (every third week!) and less that it is February 14.

My point in all of this is.

I am happy that my friends are happy with the men (and women) in their lives. I am also happy that today reminds me to call my mom and tell her she's my favorite mom in the world, and that today allows me to wear red in a blatant way, and that today means that when I bought myself flowers at Safeway, the cashier gave me a glowing look as opposed to her usual surly "do you want a bag for that?"

Like it's not 100X lighter than the 4 bottles of Diet Coke I'm also buying.

But mostly, I'm just about thrilled that instead of being where I was last year - which was albeit happily in a committed relationship myself - I'm NOT getting more stressed and upset and paranoid and unenthused and scared by the day. My anxiety levels are back to normal, which is to say about 4X higher than an average person's. But instead of overanalyzing every thought, action, mood, and facial twitch of those around me, (and by "those" I mean "my live in boyfriend") I get to make myself a healthy calzone, watch The Philadelphia Story on my newly cleaned couch, and gaze happily at the pretty pretty flowers on my coffee table.

Love others y'all. But also? Love yourself. Happy Vday.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Power of Ish

So.

Grad School Ex moved out of the apartment we shared on Saturday. On the one hand, it sucked because he had friends (and ME) to help him pack and move when I had no one, and he got to move WITHIN the building that I love while I have to live across the street from Stroga, to an apartment that is 2X the size of mine (and for only about $150 more). Of course it's also great, because if I'm going to see him (and I am, as it turns out), it's better to do it in a place where literally every turn of the corner is a "god, remember when?"

So I guess I'm happy-ish.

A lot of my relationship with GSE these days has to have an ish at the end of it. Friends who see us show up to a party together, or ask to hang out and hear "actually, I have dinner plans with GSE" will be like - "so, uh, what's your deal?" "Are you dating?" "Are you guys getting back together?"

Maybe. Ish.

When he came back from his motherland (the same day I moved out), he came back full of regret for the way things had gone down. My words. Not his. His were more like "I wish I had kissed you more, and told you I love you all the time because I do".

That was fun to hear. Ish? Ugh.

And I was pissed. I was livid. I was FURIOUS. How dare he come back and mix up my life just when things were starting to look normal again. How DARE he return to the city we shared, that I had had to suffer through biking, walking, metroing, and decide that he couldn't deal with it. I had dealt with it. I had HAD to deal with it. What a fucking mind-games-playing, selfish, no-foresight having, JERK. Of course, I was also thrilled.

Ish.

Who DOESN'T want to hear that from an ex? Hello, they write romantic comedies from that shit, giving hope to every girl who thought herself too cynical for Cinderella but not quite cynical enough for My Best Friend's Wedding. And let's be honest. As much as I was super angry then, he isn't actually a jerk. He was still the guy who I love-love-loved. My best friend. The person who - rarely, but not never - I could actually imagine wanting to have kids with.

Well. Ish.

And so we began a slow crawl towards a relationship that wasn't Our Relationship but certainly wasn't just friends. We started seeing each other at dinner, so as to avoid apartments (and their bedrooms - cliched, but true). We would talk about what went wrong, how we were coping, and sometimes what the future held.

Ish. Nothing to do with Us. Just us.

And slowly but surely I was able to stop seeing him and then crying. And slowly but surely he began to believe me that I wasn't looking to get married now, or possibly ever. And we started spending more time together, and starting falling back into old habits, and started having the old fights.

And that had to stop.

Because even though we had been having a few good weeks, and even though things felt comfortable, there was still the fact that We Had Broken Up. If this was (is?) ever going to work, we need to form a new(ish) relationship that doesn't just grow skin over the old one.

That's a weird metaphor. No ish. Just weird.

And so even though I was jealous of his way of moving out of the apartment (aka with help), and it was sad to say goodbye - for real - to a place where I had been ridiculously happy for a period of time, this was a necessary step us getting back together. Or not. Whatever. I've been known to say that this is either us moving toward being together again, or the best closure I've ever gotten.

And that is some good ish.