The giving of thanks

So.

Recent Thanksgivings have been a bundle of emotion, and I'm proud (resigned? Apprehensive?) to say that this year is no different. As some of you may have noticed, my autumn hasn't been, well, normal.

There are reasons for that.

They are good reasons. GREAT reasons in fact. My life is so cool right now I can't talk about it, no literally, I cannot speak about it, that is how cool it is.

Except?

It comes with a lot of sacrifice. A lo-ho-hot of sacrifice. I've been trying to write this particular post for a while, but it always comes out sounding so whiny "my life is awesome but I miss my friends and the ability to do nothing all day". Well, that's true, but since today is THANKSGIVING I have a better way to say it! Ie, through my annual list of TEN THINGS I am thankful for. And away we go:

Things I am thankful for:

1. My family. Usually, we speak 3-4 times a week (each of them, except maybe Michael. Since that leaves Grace and my parents, that means I'm talking to at least one member of my family, and mostly two, every day of the week), and this fall it has been more like once every 3-4 weeks. Yet they never complain. Not only do they not complain, they're happy for me, they offer to get me things I need but don't have time to do, and just absolutely support me in every way they possibly can. I love them.
2. You readers! I know that the purpose of blogs is about 95% procrastination tools, and a blog that disappears is not living up to its purpose. And yet you're still here. I can't tell you how much that means to me.
3. My boyfriend. He is my rock. Through these past couple of months, I've had more than my fair share (even more than my already-higher-than-fair) share of breakdowns, and he's been there for every single one of them. And yet he still gets up next to me in the morning, kisses me, and tells me he loves me. I honestly, 100%, do not know where I would be without him right now. Glam but completely broken, probably.
4. Our country. What a fucking wonderful place America is. Despite the Glenn Becks and the Sarah Palins (or maybe even because of them?) I am just... so in love with the United States. Thanks Abraham Lincoln for keeping us together! Also, for making Thanksgiving a holiday, without which there would be no holiday for me to thank you on.
5. My classmates. Yet another group I have been letting down (because I'm supposed to be more on my shit both socially and scholarly), yet another group who has just so fucking stepped up. Especially a few, who got me through one class and are dragging me through another - I cannot possibly tell you how much I appreciate it.
6. The Muppets. I'm not going to embed the video again, but if you're bored or just miss it, here's the link! Just think - Christmas is coming! That means the GOOSE IS GETTING FAT!!!
7. My grandmother. She just fought seriously hard against breast cancer. How rocking is THAT? Chick's 78, and she's all, breast cancer? Schmeast cancer.
8. How I Met Your Mother. Amazing show. Thanks (again) to Grad School BF and Grace and I think Maggie too for forcing me to watch it. It's what keeps me laughing.
9. My amazing job. I know you guys can't see me right now (because I do not video blog) but I am seriously welling up (shocker) at the thought of all the people who have helped me through this. And for what? To have a job where I really just... love. Going. To. Work.
10. My friends. Oh god my friends. For every birthday I've missed, for every activity I've half assed, for every event I've bailed on. For every single time one of you has been like "dude, MA, it's O-effing-K". I promise I will be back in January. I will be GREAT in January. I will make it up to each and every one of you because I owe you all so much. Thank you, from the bottom of my very stressed out heart.

And now it's time to wipe away the tears and go watch the Muppets again. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I am thankful for Muppets

Posted without comment:

I'll be back later tonight, likely, and certainly tomorrow.

Sup, yo

So.

Well, I've been gone for quite a while, haven't I? Let's reflect on what I've missed...

I'mmovingout-I'mstayingon-EvilWhoreno1weddingdramzbutnot-theYankeeswintheeeeeeeeeeeYankeeswin-Ilovemyboyfriend-helovesmeback-IhateschoolIhateschoolIwanttoquitit-Imissyouguys...

And that's just beginning!

Much as a I love a good catch-up, I'm not really in the mood to go into all the stories, so here are the salient points:

• Moving situ - alright, I'm moving out (pending apartment finding). However, because there was a general consensus between Grad School BF and I that it would really bum us out not to see each other often, we're swinging an interesting situation. He is ALSO moving out, into a 1BR, and I am moving into a bedroom in a shared group house not too far away. We are splitting the cumulative rent down the middle, with the understanding that I will likely spend, um, seven nights of the week at the 1BR, but study at the shared house when necessary, or you know, retreat there when we fight or when his parents are in town (or he would go there vice versa) and in the situation of us breaking up, we would both have a place to live.
• Yankees - ROCK. ROCK HARD. EFF YOU HATERS, TWENTY SEVEN AND COUNTTTTTTTTTTTTTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG
• Smoochies - As most of you probably know, (ehem, and have emailed me about calling me on my shit) I'm TOTES in luuuuuuuurve with the GSBF and the nice thing is that he luvs me back 4-eva. Well right now at least. The story is um, adorbs but probably only in a "I'm one of the girls Taylor Swift sings about in her song, 'Fifteen'" so I'll spare you, but I got back from a business trip, he was super cute, and that is that.
• Fear and loathing in DC - I have not hated something as much as I currently hate school in a really, really, really long time. There are a variety of reasons for this, which I don't feel particularly would add to the blog, but just know that the haterade is potent.

And lastly.

Harry Potter and the Evil Whorey Wedding
A few weeks ago I went into deep Virginny for Adriana's wedding. Me and the HS friends (standard characters: Christina, Peter, Parker and Suzie) plus one husband and one girlfriend showed up at a rustic mountain cabin and drank too much.

Way too much.

Then we got up the next morning, showered, and started drinking again. We then all persuaded the hubby to be DD, shoved 6 people in one car, and drove off to a wedding I was dreading more than... well, any of the ones where I didn't get ill at the thought of the bride and groom procreating.

Sigh.

To add a little color, let me give you a glimpse into my mindset. The week prior I had at least one nightmare every night featuring - you guessed it! - EWN1. In one dream she locked me into a bathroom while the toilet overflowed, drowning me. In another she gave me GHB (thank YOU Law and Order: SVU) to make me act like a drunk asshole in front of Adriana's family and friends.

Little did she know that it only requires wine!

Anyway, as we fell out of the car like the bunch of clowns we are, I physically tensed up. Inside the building was a girl who I have built up mentally as the ONE person I was still permitted to hate. The one person I avoid at all costs, from not being friends with her friends even on FACEBOOK to taking the long way to my parents' house in the Jerz to avoid her house. The original Evil Whore.

Well, sorta, but we'll move past that quickly.

You'd think that when I left that weekend I'd have more to say than... meh. But you'd be wrong. Don't misunderstand me, it was a VERY emotional experience. To start with, I SAW her madre within 2 seconds of walking in the door, who is one person who has been even meaner (not to me, but to Peter) than EWN1. And then the actual, hey, how have you been, oh right it's not strange at all that we were best friends 8 years ago but haven't spoken much since then, because oh right, you're offensively racist and abandoned me right when I needed you then told ME off and tried to take MY friends and then lost miserably because you SUCK but then decided to be pass-aggro and make me look like the bitch and even though you convinced only one person, it still pisses me off to this day that you were able to convince even that one.

Sigh.

But honestly? Rapidly it devolved into "oh my. Your life sucks and mine is awesome." But WITHOUT GLOATING. In fact, it made me a little sad.

Only a little. But still!

Her toast was a perfect example of this. In it, she completely fucked up our shared history multiple times, in both petty and not-so-petty ways (she glossed over an entire year the bride was beyond miserable, which I firmly believe she doesn't even kind of know about because she was too wrapped up in herself and if you're thinking "well that's not fun for a wedding toast" I agree with you but then don't say that the person has never had a bad day. Hello. She had 365 REALLY TERRIBLE ones), but then she got very choked up near the end about how good of a friend Adriana had been to her in her OWN terrible times, some of which are still going on, and I was saddened that her life has not turned out to be a great as she hoped.

Especially when mine is as fabulous as it is.

And so by the end of it, I found that I wasn't hating her so much as not even caring about her. Like, don't get me wrong, it's sad that her grandfather died, that she got dumped and isn't doing well in school (um, hello. Right. Welcome to your mid-20s) but the fact that I can say that and not qualify it with "but she DESERVES it" is a really big step for me. I can't say that I want to ever have a relationship with her, but I can say that when I feel about her now, I think...

Meh.

This is a huge deal friends. HUGE. I'm growing up! I realize that the self congratulation shows how much growing I still have to do but seriously. For now?

I'll take it.