GUEST BLOG!! Arielle Tawks Funny

So for the next week or so I'm going to head north while my IRL friends take over the blog. Next up, the Arielle, of the "holy shit I'm friends with adults" fame, has a bone to pick with y'all. Or you guys. Or yous guys. Whatevs.

Because you don't know me, lets start off by saying I am currently located in Massachusetts. For a few years now, I have avoided saying "I live here". Now back to topic.

"Haha where did you say you were from? You just said 'layast' instead of 'last'". "Playastic? Ooohh 'plastic'". "Huh? You want cawfee? Sorry we don't serve that here". "Soda? Is that like No, duh?" "Ayepple? Banayena? Who are you?" "Um, you just said Bawston" OMG get over it!! And no, I really DON'T over-pronounce words like people make fun of me for doing. If I did, I'd admit it, I promise. I will laugh with you, but the next time you bring it up, I will start to stir secret angry feelings toward you.

Yes, I will sound different than you when we speak- no matter where we are. WHY?

First, I pronounce my R's. Every. single. one. of. them. It seems once you hit Sturbrige, a town with TWO R's in its name, people in the northeast forget about that wonderful letter. Dear New England, pronunciate; and stop making fun of me. I am terrified every time I say the word "weird" that it will sound "weiehd", very Mass. I have used the word "wicked" once in my life (other than talking about the witch, or the play), and it was last week. I felt shameful. I prefer to use the adjective "really". It is very un-New England, and it allows me to use an R!! Unrelated.

Second, hard A's. I grew up in NY. For that, I pronounce A's slighter harder than those friends of mine that I met in NJ. I first faced the fact that I'd be defending my speech my entire life when I was in 6th grade. The very first time was in the locker room in the gym of our middle school. How sad. I was VERY NY. I spoke so fast, and everything typical of a New Yorker's speech patterns came out of my mouth, including too many colorful words that 6th graders should not be using. I definitely adjusted and tried to blend in, but I never lost those A's. And I never stopped being mocked.

Third, and I'm sure anyone has faced this if they have ever moved away from well, anywhere... jargon is regional. I sometimes don't understand what people are saying to me. Usually its because they are using a different term than I would have, or they are talking about something that is just plain new to me.... because its regional. "Make a left at the rotary" "OK, will I see it on the left or right?" "WHAT?" A rotary is a traffic circle (not a landmark). A CIRCLE. The only place I had seen this before was at the shore... where there are green signs, on them a big white circle and in white print it said "CIRCLE". On my second night at college, I brought the local pizza menu to my RA... and asked what a "grinder" was (the bitch trained to deal with homesick freshman had the nerve to laugh at me). What a stupid term for a sub, or a hero, or a hoagie. Any of those would have been fine. I also got so tired of explaining that when I called the Caucasian girl decked out in Tiffany a "jap", I wasn't saying she was Japanese. That doesn't even make sense. And it was one of my favorite terms, but I stopped using it.... maybe I will try to bring it back. Just for spite, hehehe.

Dude, if JT can bring random shit back, so can I. Unrelated.

Now don't get me wrong, I have naturally adjusted my speech to every place I have lived in. The accent I currently have is some weird cross between NY, NJ, CT and MA. I went to college in CT, where I was able to really tone down the NJ accent. By graduation I sounded so much different than my family and friends.. and was OK with it.

I was OK with it because I then spent a month and a half at home where I saw how life could have been/was. One parent works in sales and thinks they need to speak slowly so everyone, on any reading level, can understand- the opposite of their NY upbringing. There's the other parent who was raised in Brooklyn and upon leaving chose to create some PA/MA mixed accent as not to be associated with NY- I don't get it either. Then there are the sisters, one has a slight valley-girl tone and the other is SO NY that she gives me a headache every time she calls. I forgot what its like to speak that fast and that loud, with that accent. Obviously, I've matured in the accent department, so cut me some slack.

And yet here I am, 15 or so years after I first faced accent prejudice (?) head-on, still being mocked. Can't you just get over it? Yes, I talk funny. Yes, there are hundreds of examples of nuances in the way I speak that will spark the "where are you from?" conversation.

Fact is, as long as I pronounce the required letters in a word (of course there are silent letters), I am speaking the same language as you. Actually I am speaking a better one because when I say "bagel", I know what that should mean, same with "pizza." "Italian ice" (NEVER "slush") is a regular part of my all-season vocab, and I can clearly define the word "diner" (NO, not "dinner") for you!

Basically, just get over it! I will NEVER "pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd." So there! I win! I get allll the points!

MA's note: Once upon a time, Arielle and I were both in our first quarters/semesters at college, and one Friday I was in my required literature class and for some reason brought up the Nintendo game "Mario Bros" (cause why the hell not). The way I said "Mario" (Mary-yo) so amused my entire class that we spent THIRTY minutes of a FIFTY minute sesh talking (tawking?) about it. I was pissed. Next day I'm out shopping when I get a call from Arielle. "Brian wants to talk to you," she says. Brian gets on the phone (btw, I love that Brian was just her super good friend Brian at the time, because this was October 2001. Yays!) and is like "MA. How do you pronounce the name M-A-R-I-O?" Defiantly, I said, "MARY-YO!". "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU JERSEY GIRLS" I hear Brian yell as he tossed the phone back to Arielle. Muahahahahahaha.